Every married woman at some point faces a temptation of being attracted to another man. It can be a small meaningless crash such as simply admiring the beautiful appearance of a model-like coworker, or it can be a serious passion-obsession, which results in an affair and might ultimately lead to divorce. Some women, especially at the beginning of their marriage, will feel indignant at the idea that they, just like men, might give in to temptations and be unfaithful at a certain point. The chance that it will happen though is rather high, not as high as when it comes to the number of husbands cheating, but still…. There is always a possibility. We are all human after all with our weaknesses and flaws. But it’s important to remember the saying “forewarned is forearmed”, if you accept that there’s a chance it might happen – you won’t be taken by surprise and will be able to think and analyze the situation, rather than feel paralyzed by the whole “I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening” thought.
So here’s a possible plot: you’ve been happily married for the n number of years, things are not as hot and romantic as they used to be, but you get along well, taking for granted occasional boredom and lack of crazy emotions. In the end marriage shouldn’t be like a roller coaster – it’s more of a serene port that provides comfort and stability. You have very strong ties by now but are likely close friends more than passionate lovers. Then one day at work you have a small talk with a very attractive coworker of the opposite sex and you are surprised how good it feels – your conversation lasted just a couple of minutes, but you are suddenly filled with warmth and incomprehensible excitement. Things start happening quickly – even though they are mostly happening in your head. You suddenly care more what you wear to work. You begin to have fantasy dreams, and even when you are awake your imagination takes you to almost forbidden places. You feel tormented trying to interpret any signs or words because they might help make it clear if you are liked back. At some point you are no longer sure what’s real, what’s imagined.
This kind of changes that are suddenly happening to you do not necessarily affect your marriage in a negative way. In fact if the whole romance is happening in your head, it might be beneficial to your relationship – you look better, feel happier and more feminine, and the mysteriously pensive look on your face may seem very attractive to your husband. So I would call this form of “mental cheating” a rather healthy and probably natural thing.
But once you cross the line and let things get too far, feelings will inevitably get hurt. Starting an affair will mean having a dual life – and it can exhaust anyone; a crazy range of emotions from passion to guilt, from love to self-hatred are likely to leave you burned-out once the affair is over. You can destroy your marriage and there’s no guarantee you will be able to replace it with the new relationship that started as a work romance. You probably idealized your coworker in many ways, a lot of his features were imagined by you in the attempt to escape your marital routine.
It’s essential to stick to your wisdom and common sense, and not let the emotions take over. Be prepared that one day you may suddenly feel attracted to another man – your coworker, a family friend or a stranger you met at a coffee shop. Be prepared to look at the situation from the outside, as if it’s happening to someone else, and assess the consequences of your actions. Try to project into the future – do you see yourself with this person? Is it worth destroying your marriage and breaking your husband’s heart? Don’t forget that when we don’t know someone that well, we tend to fill the gaps in knowledge using our imagination, which distorts our perception. This man that you suddenly worship may not be that perfect after all and eventually you’ll get to uncover a lot of his imperfections whereas you are well aware and used to the ones your husband has. So next time you feel like you are developing a crush on some good-looking guy – don’t panic: you can allow yourself some indulgence, as long as the whole romance game is played in your head and no one’s feelings are hurt.